Back in January I wrote a post titled I'm Single Because.... I talked about why I'm single, why I'd rather be single than settle, and some things I look for in a partner. Since January I have dated two men at length. There were a few other guys I dated in between, but these two were more serious for me. I met them both online (one on eHarmony and the other on Tinder). They couldn't have been more different from each other. eHarm and I were so alike it was almost like I was dating myself. I didn't like dating myself (there were other things as well). As much as I want my partner and I to be agreeable, I also want someone who's going to challenge me. Tin was definitely the person to do that. However, he didn't feel that we were the right fit after dating for five weeks (but who's counting). Yes, I got dumped last weekend. We weren't in an exclusive relationship, but I wasn't dating anyone else and I didn't want to. Stupid politics!
I always say that I don't regret any relationship I've been a part of. Some of them sucked and were super shitty towards the end, but some of them were wonderful and just didn't work out for whatever reason. It is so true that I always learn something from each relationship that I've been in. Whether it's good or bad, it shows me what I want for myself as well as what I want/need in a partner.
It's very true what they say, You've got to kiss a lot of frogs before finding your prince.
When I'm dating someone I am still finding that there are thing I'm giving up or putting aside that I shouldn't.
Tin had a tricky schedule. He owned his own business and worked six days a week with pretty long hours. I really liked him and wanted to make sure that I got to see him, so sometimes we would hang out later in the evening during the week after he got out of work. I'm talking 9/9:30pm. I'm used to being in bed reading by 9:30pm. With Tin not getting to my place until that time I found myself up until 11pm sometimes midnight. He is a night owl, so sometimes later. It's not a bad thing and of course I wanted to spend time with him, because he also worked on the weekends. My point is, I wasn't remember what I needed. I was making sure that I got to see him and therefore I was getting less sleep. That led to not getting up on time in the morning. Not very much gym time and there were a few times I was late for work.
It's no one's fault but my own. There's this word I have a hard time saying...'no' haha! All I had to say was, "hey, I'm getting ready for bed coz I want to get up and go to the gym." Or, "hey, I'm going to get up now, but feel free to stay in bed." Or the toughest one to say is, "why don't we just see each other later."
Another thing that was starting to bug me was that we weren't going out. We were just hanging out at my apartment. I'm all for couch time, but I should be courted! At one point I suggested we go out and get dinner and then do something fun, because I wanted to go on a date with the guy I was dating. Tin was all for it! Well, he dumped me the day before that date was supposed to happen. Coincidence? Whatever happened to DATING? There is so much 'hanging out' now that I think people forget how to date. I will say one thing, though... I stuck to my gut about not having sex without a commitment. Go me!
Boundaries. I need to remember this! I need to remember what I need. I need to be able to get up at 5am if I want to go to the gym or 6:15 if I'm not and not feel guilty about it. I love to read before I go to bed, but I can't leave the guy sitting in the living room watching TV while I'm in my room reading. That's weird!
Dating is hard. It's like Charlotte from Sex and the City always said, "I've been dating since I was 15 where is he?" I got back on Tinder (saw Tin right away...swiped left on him this time) and I'm also on Match. What will be will be. What's for you will not pass you. Those are sayings, right? At least the second one is (it's on my Alex & Ani bracelet).
That's it for my Saturday rant. I hope you have a fabulous weekend!