It's Thursday which means that it's time to update you on my progress. In last Thursday's post I posed the question of how to update you on my progress. I thought about screenshots of my WW Tracking, pictures of my meals (in collage of course), or something else very creative that I never thought of. Well, I didn't do any of those things. I started with the screenshots, but then I ate something I probably 'shouldn't have.' So, of course I don't want you to see that! I've learned a few things about myself in this past week.
Things I already knew, but had yet to admit out loud to myself (aka denial)
1. I'm not going to stick to a "Meal Plan," like ever! I can make a meal plan for the week. I can type it up, print it out, color code it, post it to my fridge, and plan out point by point what I'm going to eat for the entire week. When it comes down to it, though, I'm going to end up eating what I want, even if it's not part of the well thought out 'plan.' Even though I know that eating 'that' will not help and will not make me feel better. Then why do I do it? Because I'm lazy. Because in the moment I think that it will taste delicious, even though I'll feel incredibly full and I'll go through the "why did I do that?" afterwards.
2. If it's in the house I'm going to eat it. Take the Triple Ginger Cookies from Trader Joe's, for example. The other night I was just organizing my second bedroom. I decided to have a cookie. They are harmless little round yummy crunchy cookies. Just one is all I wanted. Then later I wanted another one. Then another and so on and so forth. Yesterday I took them into work, because I knew if I kept them at home that I would probably just eat them all. If it's not here, then I can't eat it!
3. I have a really unhealthy relationship with food. I was reading Rubin's book the other day and there was a section that really stuck with me (p. 165)~
People who feel listless and dull watch TV to make themselves feel better, then they feel listless and dull because they've been watching hours of TV. The character Fat Bastard in the Austin Powers movies makes the same point: "I eat because I'm unhappy, and I'm unhappy because I eat."Yeah. That part is definitely highlighted in my book! This is why I'm not good with library books. I like to highlight and take notes in the margins :) I guess you could say that I'm an emotional eater. I'm also a lazy eater, a convenience eater, an "it's there and it looks good, so i'm going to eat it" eater. I like food! It's so yummy!
The favorite medicine turns to poison, and temporary comfort becomes a source of more guilt, regret, and feelings of lack of control - which can lead to more indulgence in bad habits. It's a Secret of Adulthood: Make sure the things we do to make ourselves feel better don't make us feel worse.
4. Leading right into my next point is this. I'm going to be really honest...I want to wake up one morning and just be in the shape/weight I want to be. Just like that. Do I know it takes actual work? Of course! Do I want to do the work? Uh, not really. I want to burn calories from sitting on my couch and crying during watching Grey's Anatomy while I mourn the death of Derek with everyone else. I want to burn calories from laughing my ass off with Mindy & Company in The Mindy Project. I want to burn calories from yelling at Papa Pope when he tries to kill off Jake (a**hole!). Is this realistic? Of course not and I know this. It still doesn't make me want to go to the gym and get sweaty, which means I have to wash my hair tomorrow after spending this morning straightening it.
I know it takes work and self control and determination. I know all of this. I mean, I paid $50 for three months of Weight Watchers hoping that it would help me feel more accountable. I bought a fitbit (we all know how much those cost) and I love it, but I still haven't been to the gym to 'test it out' like I was soooo excited to do last week when I got it.
Some Good Things From This Week...
~ When I eat breakfast, chances of my day being great are really good! And I mean a good breakfast - eggs, bacon, fruit, and an english muffin. My day is on a pretty good 'food track' after a good breakfast. Knowing this is a really good start for me! I know that I need to make sure that I make time for breakfast, no matter what!
~ I came home last night and tried on all of my pretty dresses. All of them fit except for three. That's really good! Instead of holding on to them in the hopes that they'll fit one day, I have decided to let them move on to a better home. I'm letting them go!
A Few Small Goals for the Next Week...
+ eat breakfast every single day
+ eat only food at make/prepare (no eating out AT ALL)
+ hit 50,000 steps over the course of the next week
All material © Erica Musyt