Tomorrow is my 30th Birthday

I never thought that I would be the person freaking out about turning 30.  I had a friend in Los Angeles that freaked out when she turned 25.  People are like, "it's not a big deal."  And it's not a big deal.  It's just a number.  Nothing really changes.  I guess the whole thing is that I'm not where I thought I would be at the age of 30.  To that people will say, "but who is?"  I totally thought I would be married and have kids.  Oh, and that whole Movie Star thing.

I was always the sort of person who was planning big birthday celebrations!  Then I had my 29th birthday.  It was a disaster.  I feel like my whole life changed after that weekend.  Not because I turned 29, but because of the experiences that were involved on my birthday weekend.  I guess you could say that I sort of woke up.  To a point anyway.  There was some more waking up that happened a few months later.

On my birthday last year I learned some things about a few of the people in my life.  I felt like I was seeing them for the first time.  I was taken advantage of, mislead, and encouraged to do some not so great things.  Who does that?  Would you really call yourself my friend?  And on my BIRTHDAY! But it wasn't my birthday.  To them, it was just another drunken night out.  I'm the kind of person who cannot be around negativity.  It brings me down and I already suffer from mild depression as it is. I mean, I'm surrounded by enough negative people at work I don't need anymore!  I had to make a decision - do I want to continue to surround myself with these people?  I chose to distance myself from a few of them and I'm all the better for it.

The next wake up call happened in March of this year.  I had been out with a friend in the city and thought I was okay to drive home. I wasn' all!  I got pulled over at 2am - I was two exits away from my apartment.  I was completely cooperative and of course chatty to no end. Luckily, the cop cut me a break and didn't haul my ass to jail.  He did tow my car, called me a cab, and slapped me with a ticket for reckless driving.  I was not in a good place the next day.  I walked to the tow yard to get my car, then went grocery shopping.  I remember walking from my car to Target thinking, "man, I'm lucky I'm not hungover.  Wait a minute, you idiot!  You're lucky you're not in jail, that you're alive, and that you didn't kill anyone!"  It wasn't the first time that I had driven home like that, but it was the first time that I'd been caught and I'm so grateful that I did.  It was a huge wake up call for me.  What the f*** was I doing to myself?  

After that I started to really evaluate things - my friends, my social life, everything.  I stopped drinking for almost 4 months and I'm actually starting to wonder why I started again.  I'm still dealing with court crap.  I got a lawyer and he's fighting to get the reckless driving charge dropped to improper driving.  I have to go back to court for a third time in October.  I was really hoping to have this all behind me in my twenties.  What 'cha gonna do?  My lawyer thinks I am in a good place and that I've done all I need to.  Fingers crossed!

Moving into my thirties I will absolutely take all that I have learned from my twenties. And I have learned a lot!  I know who my very best friends are and I love them!  I have finally learned to put myself first when it comes to relationships.  I know what I want in a partner and I know that he's out there somewhere for me.  I truly believe that everything does happen for a reason.  

This year I am celebrating with a group of friends at a lovely Italian restaurant and then I'm heading home to spend Labor Day weekend with my parents.  They have been there for me through all thirty years and my wake up calls.  They are the two most important people in my life. They're taking me zip lining :) Ever since last week my mom has been posting pictures of me "through the years" on Facebook.  It's fun to look back at those pictures. My 13 birthday I think has been the worst picture so far, but the rest of them are pretty fun.

Here's to turning 30.  It's going to be a great decade!

I love you ladies!