Is Dating A Silly Fantasy These Days?

There have been a few times now where I have wondered how personal to get on the blog.  Then there was that other time where I talked about actually getting personal, but I never did.  So, today I'm going to stop talking the talk and walk the walk!

In the last ten years I have been through a great deal and I'm not even 30 yet!  When I was on college I discovered that I had depression.  At first I thought I was bipolar, but after making an appointment with a college counselor I found out that I have mild depression and no signs of bipolar.  Yay! It didn't help my relationships with men though.  My senior year in college I thought I was in love.  Turns out he was just really manipulative and because of this guy I feel like I'm doomed, even to this day!   Only later did I find that he had been lying and cheating on me.  Needless to say I have some trust issues with men...and I get jealous easily.  Ever since him, I have been picking the wrong men. 

After college I moved to Los Angeles to become a movie star. I didn't hit the jack pot with men there either.  I actually haven't been in a relationship in over 5 years.  Sure, I've dated since then, but it's a little harder than you'd think to find a man to commit to a monogamous relationship.  Guys these days, at least the ones I find myself dating, don't want to actually date.  You know, like they did back in the day when men actually courted women.  Asked them out on a date, picked them up, opened the car door, paid for dinner, dropped them off with a kiss good night and did NOT try to push their way through the door for a quick lay!  Oh wait, I'm sorry, let me wake up from my dream world!

Courting is totally extinct, sex comes with no strings, and boyfriends are "main hangs."  Is it possible to find real love anymore?  I read a great article in my May issue of Glamour magazine featuring Zosia Mamet from HBO's Girls.  Zosia says that we should have rules and I agree! There is so much about dating now where there are no "rules" and it makes things confusing.  We should have our own, personal, rules.  Don't follow along with what other people are doing.  Do what's right for you!

Another word of advice from Zosia is to stop Google stalking!  Let me extend that to Facebook, Twitter, and Linked In.  I am totally guilty of all of the above!  It's human nature to want to know more about the people we are interested in.  The problem is, these days we rely so much on the internet and texting that we forget to ask the questions face to face. People need to talk more...actually TALK!

Sex too soon is a big, fat, DON'T!  Again, guilty as charged.  Silly me, thinking that it would bring us closer in hopes that it would turn into a relationship.  Another Carrie Bradshaw moment...remember when she dated the Jazz Man?  It doesn't work that way.  Never has never will.  There's a saying, why buy the cow when you can drink the that right?  Anyways, Patti Stanger says that you shouldn't have sex until you are in a committed relationship and she's absolutely right.  This also goes along with Zosia's advice to DEFINE THINGS. People are scared to have the exclusivity talk.  There's the risk of being rejected.  I get it.  But if you don't have the talk, then you'll always wonder.  Is he dating anyone else?  Is he dating me and sleeping with someone else, because I'm not ready to sleep with him?  That's usually where my head goes first.

In the end Zosia and Patti suggest to Never Give Up and I don't intend to.  My mom sent me a great article about Julianna Margulies.  She says, "until you are content by yourself, you won't find love.  You'll be searching too hard for it."  She's so right. Right now, I'm working on myself.  I'm trying to get to my best place.  I'll be 30 at the end of the summer.  I'm still young and have many years ahead of me!